the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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