he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
