so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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