this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
