Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
