I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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