so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
