Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
