We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
