who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
