Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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