Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
