other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
