please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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