Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
