That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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