I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
