So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
