I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
