Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
