Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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