Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
