i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
