Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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