Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
