Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She needs sedatives and a leash
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
