On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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