Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
