She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You can't motorboat a personality
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
