when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
