I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
