Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
