So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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