Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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