Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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