i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
