just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
