so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
