Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
