i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
