Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
