Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
