If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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