I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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