Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
