I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
