mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
