8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
