I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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