I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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