why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
